Dear Landlord,
I’m not gonna lie to you, yes, we have been drinking.
That’s probably why we thought jumping in the pool at 1 AM was a good idea.
To be fair, it would’ve continued to be a good idea if you hadn’t caught us.
Plus, that whole “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” speech? Totally unnecessary.
Couldn’t you have just yelled at us like a normal landlord?
Besides, sure, jumping in the pool and drunkenly splashing around may be bad, but is it really any worse than you making us write checks to your dead mother? I mean, that’s some shady shit, dude.
So next time, why don’t we let the pool thing slide and we won’t hafta contact anyone about the obvious tax fraud you’re committing, sound good?
Sincerely,
Calhoun
