Dear Coffee Shop Patrons,
Oh, that smell? You’re right, it does kinda smell like a cheap dive bar in here…
What? You just noticed that when I walked in the door?
What a strange coincidence! No, I haven’t the slightest idea why that might be.
It’s certainly not because I spent the better part of Monday in a bitter, drunken rage.
I mean, can you imagine?!?
… okay, yeah, that was a lie.
But I swear, I wasn’t just pissed because I spilled vodka on my pants and that’s valuable alcohol wasted.
… yes, I am wearing those pants today.
Look, like you smell so freakin’ great?!?
I’ve had it with your judgment games! Yeah, that’s right, I’m talkin’ to you, old man!
You wanna throw down, we can throw down!
… wow, this escalated quickly. Ya know what, there’s a good chance I’m still a little bit rage drunk from last night.
My bad.
Sincerely,
Calhoun
