Dear Salvation Army

Austin Salvation Army

Dear Salvation Army,
You’re the homophobic ones and yet I’m the dick if I don’t give you any money.
How’d ya swing that? No, seriously, it’s impressive how you prey on a sense of compassion to guilt people out of their money.
But ya know what? I feel like we’ve done this whole song and dance before. I’ve scolded you and you’ve- well, you’ve not responded, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be happy with my… word choice. Yeah, that’s what we’ll call it.
Still, I thought you should know, you’re on the wrong side of a losing battle.
Even the Religious Right is on board with same-sex marriage now. Sure, there are some who are straggling, which is to be expected but, well, they’re kinda like rats fleeing a sinking ship.
So, Salvation Army, why don’t you get with the times? Stop reading the Bible so literally (especially considering it would prevent you from wearing those awesome multi-fabric vests when you’re ringing your bells. It’s in the same Book of Leviticus, look it up) and learn to adapt.
Or at the very least, don’t scowl at me when I don’t give you any money. Okay, maybe that was in response to me telling the guy ringing his bell, “I would give you money, but sorry, all of mine has ‘gay’ on it and I wouldn’t want you to catch it. Cold and flu season and all.” We could probably both stand to evolve on this one.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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6 thoughts on “Dear Salvation Army

  1. I avoid the bell ringers at all costs to avoid the Salvation Army Stink Eye and embarrassing my kids with the unladylike things that I mutter as I walk all scowly faced past them. Lovin’ this blog!

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