Dear Golden Globes

Dear Golden Globes,
I’ve never really understood why you take yourself so seriously.
Then I saw your list of nominations this year and any chances of me ever respecting you pretty much plummeted.
Lincoln? Seriously? I won’t even get into my issues with Django unchained or Tarantino’s constant need to bastardize other people’s cultures, particularly their suffering.
I get it. It was a rough year, but seriously folks.
Let’s at least pretend like we’re trying, instead of just nominating the most frequently searched directors on IMDb, shall we?
Sincerely,
Calhoun

Dear Meryl Streep

Dear Meryl Streep,
I’ve never been one for awards hype. I lost my faith when you never won for The River Wild. Matter of fact, I hate the whole season. Still, I find myself responding based on the outrage of others.
Do you remember when you were a kid and everybody had to take turns being the line leader? Everybody got a chance!
Now I’m not recommending this approach (since that means Megan Fox could actually win an Oscar) but I think the teachers were on to something. Nobody is denying you’re great, but maybe it should be somebody else’s turn…
Sincerely,
Calhoun

P.S. Pass this on to Clooney