Dear Table Next To Us Last Night

Dear Table Next To Us Last Night,
Hi, how was your meal? Good? Yeah, I really like the food here too.. anyways, I just wanted to apologize, again, for last night.
It had been a long time since most of us had seen each other so we might have gotten a little carried away.
I hope it didn’t disturb you too much. We were just a little rowdy by the end of the night.
Then again, that’s the sorta thing that happens when you give a 6-foot Asian woman a beer.
Yes, you read that correctly. A beer.
I hear what you’re saying, a kegger with her would be a total disaster, but believe it or not, she’s a pretty fun drunk.
Oh, and when she snapped about turning the heater off? She was totally kidding. Well, at least half kidding… okay, but it was kinda cold without the heater.
Anyways, hope you don’t hate us too much, but then again, I could probably live with it if you did…
Sincerely,
Calhoun

Dear Customers

Dear Customers,
While I know that it might fill your petty lives with joy to shit on the people that serve you coffee or food or whatever, rest assured, they don’t get paid enough to put up with it.
Forget the fact that they don’t need it, it’s just basic human decency.
Now I know there are all those stories about cooks spitting in the food of rude customers and, having never worked in the food service industry, I can’t really vouch for them.
All I’m saying is, I probably would.
So while you continue to micromanage your oh-so-busy lives or chat over coffee about the latest charity luncheon, try thinking about somebody other than yourselves for two minutes.
Because those rumors about people spitting in your food or your drink? Well, they might just be true.
Lord knows it’s not beneath me, so you better hope I never get a job preparing food…
Sincerely,
Calhoun