Dear God

Warning: This is a serious post. If you’re looking for entertainment, you’re not gonna find it here today.

Dear God,
I’ve seen a lot.
I’ve seen the dead body of my best friend at the age of 17.
I’ve seen my parent’s marriage fall apart right in front of my eyes.
I’ve seen the exact moment people lose their faith in you.
I never believed, so I always thought, “eh, what’s there to lose?”
You can lose so many worse things than faith.
You can lose family. You can lose loved ones. You can lose friends.
In an instant, you can lose a future or the chance of something more.
Ya know what I say to that?
I say fuck you.
I don’t wanna heard a word about your grand design or your plan because, right now, it all seems pretty random.
No. Not random. It seems cruel.
It seems spiteful, as if, I didn’t believe in you enough that you throw these things at anyone to bully them in to some sort of belief.
And if it meant that things would change, I would believe.
But we both know that’s not true.
So instead, I’m left hoping that there’s nothing because I can’t imagine some all-knowing and supposedly benevolent creator being capable of all of this pain.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

Dear Sydney

Disclaimer: This post is one of my more serious attempts. If you’re uncomfortable with sincere displays of emotion (as I usually am) stop reading now.

Dear Sydney,
It’s been 7 years, but I still remember how everything happened.
I remember my dad driving me to the hospital. I remember people crying. I remember adults desperately trying to make sense of a seemingly senseless tragedy.
But most importantly, I remember the grief counseling. I was always a little hesitant when it came to that sort of stuff. I figured, “just let me be pissed off and do my thing,” but I think we all know that only works for so long.
They always told us, “write a letter to the loved one that you lost. It’ll make you feel better.”
To me it seemed as empty of a gesture as praying, but with time, comes some semblance of growth.
I’m not saying I’m mature by any means. Hell, you know me, that’ll probably never happen.
But I’m giving this letter writing thing a try. And hey, it only took me 7 years, right?
Anyways, you remain one of the most loving and well-loved figures in my 24 years of life and I just wanted to let you know that I think of you still.
Sincerely,
Calhoun