Dear Universe

Dear Universe,
I’ll admit, I’ve always been the first one to call you on your bullshit.
That whole The Secret thing that Oprah kept hawking? Total crap.
Still, times are tough, figured it was at least worth a shot.
See, my move is in… well, less than a month and my whole roommate thing just fell through, which means my place to live fell through, which means I will be moving to a city completely blind.
Totally sounds like an updated “Nigerian Prince” e-mail, right?
Swear it isn’t. So, look, universe, I’m not asking for any hand outs or anything like that, but if you could maybe send a little help my direction, perhaps in the form of a well-placed Craigslist ad that doesn’t make me feel like I’m gonna need to sleep with a knife under my pillow? I mean, I guess that’d be pretty cool of you…
Sincerely,
Calhoun

Dear New York Realtors

Dear New York Realtors,
Hi, I’m moving to the city, but not for a few months. Still, never hurts to be prepared, so I figured I would check out stuff, like different areas to live and the cost of rent, etc.
The one thing I can’t help but get caught up on is this whole “job” thing.
See, a lot of you want current pay stubs from your job. Well, in order to move out there from my current location in LA, I would hafta quit a job, so… see, what I’m getting at?
I can’t get a job in New York, until I have someplace to live there.
I can’t get a place to live there unless I have a job.
How- so, um… how does that work exactly?
Sincerely,
Calhoun