Dear Thesis Advisory Board

Dear Thesis Advisory Board,
Or am I supposed to start this with “Dear ladies and gentleman of the thesis advisory board?”
Ya know, I actually don’t know who all is on there… for all I know, it could be all ladies or all gentlemen and no mix of the two…
See what you’ve got me doing? I’m already nervous!
My thesis hasn’t even been approved and already my palms are sweaty, can you imagine what this is gonna look like when it comes time to defend my thesis?
Speaking of which… (see what I did there? My thesis is full of subtle transitions like that) I wanted to talk about this whole “thesis defense” thing… Considering this is a particular passion of mine and I’m willing to devote about a year of my life to having nothing else to do besides write this damn thing, can’t we just skip that?
What ever happened to the honor system?
What, you don’t think I know what I’m talking about unless I do it in front of a room of people like you?
Okay, that sounded a little hateful… I didn’t mean “people like you.” It’s just, the thought of this whole thing kinda makes me panic. See? Even now, my breath is getting a little shallow… and I’m feeling a little light headed… okay, I’m gonna hafta find a paper bag to breath in, but don’t think for a minute that we’re done here! I’ve got plenty more on my mind!
Sincerely,
… I feel like if I leave my name this is gonna count against my thesis defense

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