Dear Westboro Baptist Church

Dear Westboro Baptist Church,
Go fuck yourselves.
Oh wait, considering your church consists of about 70 or 80 members, most of which are family, it seems like you probably already do.
I get it. It’s a creepy “keep it in the family” kinda thing. After all, how likely are you to get many followers that you can’t indoctrinate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? I can’t imagine it would be easy.
Still, I have a little favor to ask. I know, I know, it’s tacky to be calling in favors after I lead with a “fuck you” but you gotta understand where I’m coming from. So, here’s my favor. It’s not a big one and I’m sure you’d be happy to oblige, but do you think we could switch up the rhetoric?
Don’t get me wrong, “God hates fags” is a solid one. I mean, sure, you don’t really have any evidence to back that one up… but the worst part is that it’s just kinda getting old. What about… “God hates the new Britney Spears album even more than you do” or “God hates Crunch Fitness”? We both know those will hit ’em where it hurts. Doesn’t matter which one you end up going with, just think about switching it up because I’m having a hard time mustering up outrage when I’ve become so bored with the slogan. Just promise me you’ll give it some thought, deal?
Yet Another Godless Sodomite


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