Dear Guy Staring at My Junk on the El

Dear Guy Staring at My Junk on the El,
I would use the classic “Take a picture, it’ll last longer” but I’m legitimately afraid that you might consider it.
I’m not even sure what’s so hypnotic about my dick, but evidently there’s something because you’ve just been kinda lookin’ at it for the past 5 minutes.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered… well, more like creeped out… can I be both? Okay, I’m both creeped out and flattered, but for safety’s sake, we’re gonna go with slightly more creeped out.
Is this what I get for wearing shrink to fit jeans in Boystown? I can’t say that I’m surprised, but you’d like to think that romance wasn’t completely dead.
I mean, there’s no denying, “Well, I was checking out his package on the el” probably wouldn’t make the top 10 cute meet-and-greet stories.
Still, I guess the concept of finding someone on the el isn’t terribly romantic either, when you consider the crowd. That’s right, I’m talking to you, homeless man who was flashing his junk at me a couple months ago.
But I digress. I’m not askin’ for a whole helluva lot. I’m not even saying “stop looking.” Do whatever you want, but maybe a little subtlety next time? I think you’re upsetting the little old woman that’s watching you watch my junk.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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