Dear Portly Gentleman Cooking Dinner Shirtless with the Blinds Open

Dear Portly Gentleman Cooking Dinner Shirtless with the Blinds Open,
Listen, I respect your right to do your thing. I mean, I totally love the song “Free to Be You and Me” but I gotta express some concern here.
It’s nothing against you personally, it’s just, well, a little weird.
Now I think I know what you’re gonna say. It’s your house and you’re free to do what you want. Hell, I probably shouldn’t have even been looking in the first place.
And you’re right.
In the immortal words of the Isley Brothers, it’s your thing, do what you wanna do.
Still, I just feel like I should voice some concern. Maybe it was the fact that you were preparing food and I could see you sweating profusely from the street level when you were three floors up? You just had me nervous there, that’s all.
So do us all a favor, if you keep the blinds open, maybe consider wearing a shirt. Or maybe get a Stairmaster?
Not for my sake or anything. I’m just sayin’, from what I could tell, you were just about the perfect candidate for a heart attack.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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