Dear Daily Routine Girl

Dear Daily Routine Girl,
Yes, dear readers, you know who she is.
She’s the girl who, for some reason, when the professor asks a question, she feels the need to recount the mundane details of her life in a desperate effort to both be heard and prove her intelligence to the rest of the class. Unfortunately, this plan tends to backfire and we all seem to think a little less of you for your five minute account of your choice between blueberry or plain bagel.
Mind you, this classification is by no means limited to women, but the most insufferable, the one who made me want to stab pens into my own ears just to hear something else, she is definitely a girl in my class.
Anyways, back to you, miss. I just wanted to let you know that as fascinating as your morning routine or your television viewing habits are, you have yet to apply them to the topic at hand. It’s probably in your best interest to stop.
That’s not a threat, that’s just a fact. See, i can’t be held accountable for my actions. I just know one of these days, you’ll start talking about that one time you saw a movie with one of your friends and your boyfriend at the time and now your friend is dating that guy that you used to date… it’ll probably go on like that for the next five or six minutes and at that point, I might be forced to perform the ultimate degrading act. The shush.
Now, the shush isn’t an empty threat, Daily Routine Girl. I will shush you if I have to, but I hope we can find a happy medium before then. Much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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