Dear Sassy Mail Carrier

Dear Sassy Mail Carrier,
I’d call you by your name, but in your entire diatribe, you never properly introduced yourself.
But manners may have been one thing that were in short supply yesterday. See, I don’t normally answer the door shirtless, but I thought you were the UPS guy. The thought that hadn’t occurred to me that he probably wouldn’t be dropping off a package at 8:30 in the morning, but then again, I don’t get many visitors at that hour.
But yes, back to your complaint and well, the entire reason for your visit. The lack of my name on the mailbox. I hear what you’re saying. Definitely something I should work on. Maybe it doesn’t need to be resolved at 8:30 AM, but yeah, sure, it’s important to get that fixed.
But it’s your logic that I’m not really up on… I get why someone would hafta return my mail if they didn’t know who lived there (although the fact that I’m receiving multiple letters at this address should have been a bit of a tip off) but then you went off track. See, I got somebody else’s mail and you said it was because I didn’t have my name on my mailbox… whether I’ve got my name on the mailbox or not, I live in 641 and the person whose mail I got lived in 639, so that’s not really on me… Still, thanks so much for the early morning yelling fit. It was refreshing.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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