Dear Toucan Sam

Dear Toucan Sam,
Can I just say, how refreshing it is to have a cereal mascot like you?
I mean, here you are, not resorting to thievery like the Cookie Crisp dog or the Trix rabbit, nor petty magic tricks like the Lucky Charm leprechaun.
You’re just unabashedly you, my fine-feathered friend.
You’re here, you’re queer, and you’ve got the bright colors and oddly phallic nose to prove it.
… Toucan Sam is gay, isn’t he?
I mean, no love interest in sight and three “nephews”? Sounds pretty gay to me. And I mean, that voice?
Oh wait, no, I think I just confused gay and British again.
My bad.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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