Dear Dad

Dear Dad,
You know I love you, but there’s a reason I’ve denied your Facebook friend request three or four times now.
It’s so you don’t see things like the following.
Like I said, you’re the only dad I’ve got and I love you for that.
You always made sure we were well-provided for and I will be eternally grateful for that.
The jokes about my dog dying dying the day after I receive a text message from you saying that you guys put the dog down several weeks ago? Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I appreciate those a little less.
Another thing, we both know that I’ve got a birthday coming up, and you already gave me the best birthday present ever when you gave me the money to adopt Karl. It truly is the gift that keeps on giving.
But then when I ask if you can help me out with school supplies, something you normally do anyways?
Well, I appreciate it, for sure, but can we not act like that’s a birthday present.
I listened to the voicemail you left last night (while I was in class, something I’ve told you time and time again) and the message went a little something like this…
“Hey Calhoun, just got back from Malaysia (totally normal start to the conversation, right?) and I wanted to see how summer was going? (What Summer, Dad? I’ve been in Summer school just about every night of the week for the past five weeks, something you also know) Anyways, I got your e-mail about textbooks and even though I already got you Karl as a birthday present, you can charge those books to my Amazon account as a sort of birthday present…”
You continued to ramble after that, but you get the gist.
So thank you Dad, for turning my educational well-being into the lamest birthday present ever, especially after you were the one who recommended I go to grad school.
I’m still holding out for a birthday card with a little cash in it, but that dream may have died with that voicemail last night.


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