Dear Bar Patron

Dear Bar Patron,
Look, I know you think we’ve got so much in common.
Like, I’m drinking a beer and you’re drinking a beer.
You’re in a bar and I’m also in a bar.
But that’s pretty much where the similarities end.
So no, I don’t want your number.
No, I don’t wanna be your Facebook friend. No, we should not “grab a drink sometime.” We’re drinking right now, isn’t that enough for you?
Still, in a drunken stupor, I gave you my number.
Even worse, I approved your Facebook friend request.
It was a dumb mistake on my part. My bad.
But rest assured, we will not be grabbing a drink sometime. You’ll probably end up in that vast wasteland of people whose friend requests I’ve accepted with no real intention of being friends with. Sorry.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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