Dear Nipples

Dear Nipples,
With Fall in full swing, it’s important that we have this talk.
I need you guys to get it together.
I understand it’s cold out and your first instinct is to stand at full attention, but it’s getting kinda embarrassing.
I normally wear a small or a medium shirt and they aren’t usually to tight on my chest, but still you guys poke your little heads out like Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog’s Day.
I’ve even tried wearing large shirts or extra large with an undershirt on underneath, but still you manage to show up.
I know part of it is the cold weather, but I’ll admit, I’m partially to blame here.
Piercing my nipple with a safety pin in 8th grade was bound to lead to infection, so I know one of you is bigger than the other, but if we could all agree that both parties are to blame and try to keep the nipple-age under control this Fall, that’d be great.


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