Dear Beard

Dear Beard,
I’ve been patient.
I mean, I even started No Shave November a full two weeks in advance.
But I’m at my wit’s end.
You’re scratchy. You’re patchy. You’ve got me so annoyed, I’m even rhyming.
So please, just grow already!
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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8 thoughts on “Dear Beard

  1. I stumbled upon this blog looking up R.L. Stine and your post reminded me of this song:

    I am female, and though I understand a lot of gender-specific fixations, I don’t at all understand what the fascination is with men and their beards (or lack thereof).
    I have met completely well rounded and confident men who are fixated on beards. They either have a completely absurd beard and long hair, making it so you cant see their faces (just eyes and fur) or they try so hard to grow in beards and facial hair that its almost as if their biology is spiting them. Evolutionarily I cannot imagine that its completely beneficial, as i have not found many women who are attracted to men with that degree of facial hair, and further not actually knowing what someone looks like underneath it all seems a bit unsettling. If they shaved and you saw them the next day you might not know who they are…
    there was a discussion about this in one of my classes today as several of the men in my program have taken to phasing out their beards in creative ways (mutton chops, to a looong mustache, to a little mustache, etc) and one of my TA’s cited a quiz “professor or hobo” which i thought was appropriate.

    anyhow, i dont mean to offend with my confusion, but could you clear it up for me? whats the draw? why do men want beards?

    • Well, I’ll do my best haha
      I can obviously only speak for myself, but this post mainly came about because I’m taking part in No-Shave november which is a sort of unofficial holiday where men don’t shave for a month. Furthermore, I’m taking part in a charity event called Movember. You grow facial hair to raise awareness about prostate cancer. It sounds like a weird cause but there’s this whole fundraising slant too.
      In the most archaic sense, I think it speaks to a sort of archaic idea about the fact that, if you can grow facial hair, it’s a testament to your masculinity.
      We all know that’s not true, but there’s some small part of it that I think a lot of us men believe.
      But I can tell you right now, I understand how unappealing they may be, but I’m all about the cause.

  2. Pingback: The Trials and Tribulations of the Bearded Man « Confessions of a Self Proclaimed Megalomaniac

  3. Looking at this picture, I thought you were writing a post on that girl as “the beard.” Like Dear Beard, can’t you understand I’m not that into you? Or any of your kind. Oops.

      • And maybe you can write one on behalf of my life: Dear Cute Gay Boy who stood me up for Prom last minute because his pissy boyfriend felt threatened although we’d planned this two weeks earlier, and I had to go find a redhaired new-waver waiter at Rob Lobster to take your place…

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