Dear John Lithgow

Dear John Lithgow,
I’ve stood by you through it all.
When you were mean to Harry to get him to return to the wild. When you were murdering people back in your Raising Cain days. But I gotta draw the line somewhere.
You probably don’t know what I’m referring to, so lemme fill you in.
The other night I had a dream. You were in it.
We were playing charades and it was your turn to act out the clue.
Before I knew it, you were pretending to rape me.
The clue was Deliverance.
I’m not saying it wasn’t a good clue, but seriously?!?
The next night I was afraid to go to sleep for fear of John Lithgow charades-rape.
Before you ask, yes, that’s a thing.
So do me a favor and stay outta my dreams, will ya? I’d hate to have a Freddy Krueger situation on our hands.


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