Dear Kevin Bacon,
Look, I know that you’ve gotten my other letters, but if you’re just playing hard-to-get, I understand.
I mean, you probably get this sorta thing all the time.
With such heartwarming roles as the invisible rapist in Hollow Man and maniac that forces Meryl Streep to take him down the river in The River Wild, what’s not to love?
But like I explained to you before, it’s not cheating if you get Kyra’s blessing.
I’m just sayin’, think about it, do what you gotta do, but just know, I’m into it.
But don’t think I’m just gonna be sitting here waiting for you.
I’ve got offers too, ya know.
PS that was a desperate attempt to make you jealous… did it work?