Dear Facial-Hair-Lovers

Dear Facial-Hair-Lovers,
Listen, I understand the appeal. It’s like watching a Chia pet grow in front of your very eyes. or maybe it’s more like the Play-Doh barber shop where you press down on the pedal and the person in the barber chair grows all this Play-Doh hair that you can cut with your toy scissors?
Whichever analogy you go with is fine by me, but rest assured, I am not a Chia pet, nor am I part of a Play-Doh playset, so when everybody goes “aww, are you trying to grow a beard?” it just comes off as a little condescending.
I know I’ve still got some work to do, but every quarter-inch is progress, right?
But the ones that coo over my every attempt to prove my virility as a male by growing a bushy beard aren’t even the worst.
It’s the ones who come up to me, out of nowhere, and ask if they can touch it. Now I know this area is ripe for sexual innuendos and double entendres, but let’s steer right past those and focus on how weird it is to ask if you can touch a strangers face.
You don’t know me. I could be a homicidal maniac in training and this could be the thing that makes me snap. Or i could have herpes and let you touch my face in hopes that you contract it.
Okay, never of these are true, but still… it’s weird.
So please control your love of facial hair or your unbridled passion for my rugged manliness and just leave me and my bearded face alone.

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About Calhoun

Ever think those thoughts that don't seem important enough to put down on paper? Welcome to my life. I write random thoughts, movie reviews, and the occasional work of fiction. Take a look around, there's a little bit of something for everyone.

3 thoughts on “Dear Facial-Hair-Lovers

  1. Enjoy it now dude! You may think its cool and fun now, but eventually the older you get the hairier you get. I can shave in the morning and I have a shadow by 5pm, and I need to shave by the second day, but I have to wait 3 days or I shave my skin off when I shave. My beard is course and thick. One day you will hate being able to grow a full thick beard. Not to mention all the other hair that grows in places you never thought or wanted it to grow. Its age and the older you get the hairier you get. I had a hairless chest till I was 22…now that I am 42, you would not know my chest because it’s so hairy!

    Not being a Debbie Downer, just preparing you for the future when this funny story will make you wish you had light funny facial hair!


    • I’m not worried about that, actually.
      But I heed your words of wisdom! My family is largely not a hairy bunch (including a father with alopecia) so I might just look out and hit the middle ground? Here’s to hoping haha

  2. Well the point was to enjoy your youth! Lol

    It’s not a bad thing being a little hairy. I keep hoping the blond light fuzz on my back stays that way, but at the point it becomes a hairy back, I am calling the laser hair removal people to get rid of it.

    Your also lighter haired so you may not become hairy. I think some hair is sexy on a man. Sometimes having hair you suddenly become classified as a bear! Lol.

    Your family especially your mother is holding on to her baby boy. Hair means your grown and she will fight you to try and keep you her baby boy. She will never be on board for you becoming more manly! Lol

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