Dear Death

Dear Death,
Look, I know we’ve got a little bit of history, what with my morbid obsession and all, but we came to be a little too close for comfort.
After finishing Final Destination 5 last night, I decided to take the dog for a walk.
Now, something you may not know about Karl, he loves to run so we normally run the first block.
On our run, a car suddenly pulled out of the alley at, like, 15 MPH. Not too fast, but fast enough that it almost hit us. Naturally, we were both startled so we decided to walk the rest of the block.
It was well enough until we got to the crosswalk. Having nearly escaped your grasp, I decided, “hey, I’ll play it safe and wait for the light.” And I did.
We started to walk across the street when, suddenly, a car illegally turns into oncoming traffic and nearly misses the dog and I.
Now, normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal, considering most Chicago drivers are terrible, but two times in one block?
All I’m asking is for a little subtlety next time. Quit trying so hard.
In true Final Destination fashion, I’m sure you’ll get me when I least expect it, but let’s leave my dog out of it, shall we?
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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