Dear Random Coffee Shop Dude

Dear Random Coffee Shop Dude,
You look like you’re new around here.
Nothing wrong with it, welcome.
We only have a couple of rules around here.
First, don’t take my seat.
Second (kinda like Fight Club) is don’t take my seat.
The third rule is a bit of a doozy… if you take my seat, I will fucking end you.
It’s nothing personal, you seem like a nice guy, maybe a little shy and sorta awkward, but nice enough.
I’m saying this for your benefit, so hopefully we won’t have to exchange actual words next time.
I’d hate to hafta say something unpleasant if you take my seat again.


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