Dear Small Children in the Coffee Shop

Dear Small Children in the Coffee Shop,
I will end you.
Seriously, I now understand why you drive your mothers to develop addictions to Ritalin and why you drive your fathers to extramarital affairs.
… it’s so they don’t hafta be around you, right?
Whatever the reason, one thing is perfectly clear.
You lot are insufferable.
Seriously, the best form of birth control is spending a morning with you.
If you wanna bug your parents, that’s fine, but when you start bumping into my chair, causing me to spill my tea, all because you wanted to play an impromptu game of tag?
Yeah, not cool.
Please confine your ADHD antics to the schoolyard.
At least those people are paid to put up with you…
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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