Dear Classmates

Dear Classmates,
It has come to my attention that I am the suspected informant when it comes to announcing the pregnancy of our lesbian program director.
Believe me, the shock and confusion on my face is evidence that I am not.
I assure you, my bewilderment is not due to the whole lesbian thing.
I’ve been around long enough, I’ve read Heather Has Two Mommies and trust me, I get it.
While it is not normally in my nature to indulge in idle gossip… seriously?!?!?
I can’t possibly be the only one that is taken aback by this news.
I never thought I’d see the day that BLANK of all people would be pregnant.
I, of course, call her “BLANK” for the sake of anonymity, but you all know who I’m talking about.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s fantastic news, but seriously?
Anyways, back to my original point, as evidenced by my shock, I was not the one who brought you this breaking news. It took an e-mail from the woman herself before I even knew.
So trust me, I’m not the one bringing you breaking news. I’m usually the last one catching up.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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