Dear Karl

Dear Karl,
I know you’re a Midwest pup at heart, but maybe the change will be good… because like it or not, we’re California people now. Well, maybe not “California people,” but we live here so let’s just make the best of it, okay?
I know it’ll be tough at first, but there are a couple things we can both do to ease the process.
For starters?
Stop chewing through your damn leash! I know you’re nervous that this whole move, me packing you in the car with the rest of my treasured items and what little space we could afford, was some elaborate plan to ditch you, but it’s not.
Chewing through your leash so that you can move the three feet to be by my side, while sweet, just ends up being a pain in the ass when I hafta get a new leash.
Secondly, I know you’re nervous, but not eating doesn’t do anybody any good. I’ll keep hand feeding you in the meantime, but seriously buddy, you gotta get back to eating. The slobber factor alone is driving me to not wanna eat my food.
And finally, this whole “I won’t sleep unless I’ve got at least one paw on you” thing is totally understandable, but it’s getting a little possessive. How am I supposed to form bonds with other people when you won’t let me out of your sight?
Just think on those some. I’m sure we can reach an amicable middle ground.
Sincerely,
Calhoun