Dear Pizza Delivery Guy

Dear Pizza Delivery Guy,
I feel like I should lead with, “I don’t normally answer the door in my towel.”
Yeah, that’s probably a good place to start… see, I thought I had more time.
Experience with ordering pizza is that the estimated time they give you? You can usually add 15 or 20 minutes to it, and you’re still safe, so I figured, “well, you smell like garbage, so why not shower?” I’m a notoriously quick showerer!
It was only when I had just lathered up that I heard the dog barking.
I casually opened the door to the shower and told Karl to cool it, but he continued barking.
That was when I heard the knock on the door.
And now here we are, in that uncomfortable, half-naked exchange of cuisine and currency.
My bad, buddy. Your job probably sucks enough without having to see me in a state of undress.


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