Happy birthday or whatever.
Since it’s your birthday, I figured I’d recount all the ways that I love you.
Um… it has never been easier to be morbidly obese than here in America.
Plus, the sense of entitlement that your citizens have? Unparalleled.
Oh, and I really love that whole “Land of the Free” thing while women, people of color, and gays are still second class citizens.
Look, I’m not saying I hate you or anything. Hell, I’m better off than I would be in most places.
I’m just sayin’, don’t get cocky.