Dear Dog

Dear Dog,
I don’t expect you to understand the subtleties of human flirtation.
Hell, half the time I don’t.
Then again, back when you had balls, I guess it was a little easier. I mean, you saw a chair or leg you liked and bam, ya just went for it.
Well, us humans, with all our flaws, have a much more tedious ritual.
It involves smiling and hair tossing and the obligatory meal or at least drink before you get naked, but I’ve never been good at that sorta stuff.
But lemme clue you in to something, when I’m looking at somebody and I smile or whatever? There’s usually a reason that I’m smiling.
So, for instance, when we are on our morning walk and don’t see anyone for about half a mile and then I smile at the one guy that we see?
Well, popping a squat and letting one loose isn’t the greatest conversation starter.
Plus, do you realize how hard it is to flirt with dog shit in your hand? Not easy, my friend!
So quit bein’ such a cock block and do what all good dogs are supposed to do and help get me laid, Karl!
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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