Dear Coffee Shop Patrons

Dear Coffee Shop Patrons,
I’m not crazy. I should probably lead with that.
I know it seems hard to believe, but I swear I’m not.
The muttering I’m doing?
It’s fine, I’m just talking to the fly that keeps buzzing around in my peripheral vision. Totally normal.
Although I could see how the unwashed and wild-haired dude next to you, grumbling, “I’m gonna murder you…” might be cause for alarm…
Still, when I swatted it, I really didn’t mean to knock your drink over, sir.
I offered to buy you a refill, but instead, you just kinda looked at me like the spaz I am.
The worst part? I didn’t even kill the damn thing.
It’s still buzzing around here somewhere…
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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