Dear Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,
Do you have the malevolent force of a past tenant that terrorizes you at night?
Or maybe you have some of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park? No?
oh, then that must be your kid.
I’m very sorry for him/her/it but when he/she/it wails at 4 in the morning? Well, my empathy is tested.
Especially when the dog, confused and frightened as to who is being murdered next door, or at least in the throes of his/her/its death howls, steps closer to the window to investigate the sounds.
Ya know what’s closer to the window? Ya know what he steps on in the process?
Me.
More specifically, my tenders.
So, if you could keep the crying to a reasonable level or at least semi-humane sounds, maybe we could get the dog to stop stepping on my junk at ungodly hours in the morning?
Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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