Dear Hot Dog Walking Guy

Dear Hot Dog Walking Guy,
I understand how your title could be confusing to some, it’s just- I don’t exactly know your name.
Still, for the sake of clarification, let me be clear that there is no hot dog being walked. I am, instead, referring to your insane prettiness.
And ya know what, call me crazy, but I think you feel something to. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m nowhere near as handsome as you but after yesterday? Well, at the very least you noticed me.
See, we’ve been doing this polite head nod exchange for a while now. Then it gradually formed words. Sure, they were monosyllabic “hi”s but I take what I can get. But yesterday was a game changer.
As I walked up from the dumpster, having just tossed out a busted lawn chair (there’s no context to that, I look just as crazy as I sound) I was shocked to see you walking your tiny, little Ewok-looking dog.
I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t recognize you at first, probably because I was still choking on the rancid smells from the dumpster. You smiled and said, “Ya know, I see you more than anyone else…”
I choked. I’m not good in situations of crisis, okay?!? Because, don’t get me wrong, I heard what you said, but what it sounded like to me was, “I’m totally secretly in love with you and would like to take you back to my sweet ass condo and we can get married and have some adorable babies that look nothing like us.”
In actuality I think I managed to chuckle and ask how your day was going, but whatever I came back with, I’m sure it wasn’t as charming as your imaginary proposal.
I hope it’s not too late to say yes now. I mean, I’d hate to think you missed out on all this just because I was too nervous…
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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2 thoughts on “Dear Hot Dog Walking Guy

  1. Haha, the fact that he actually initiated conversation in REAL LIFE is insanely encouraging! I most definitely would have interpreted that as a love declaration and/or proposal.

    • I’m glad that either we’re both delusional or we both have insanely low standards for romance… either way, get started on your Best Man speech

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