Dear “Friends”

Dear “Friends”,
It has recently come to my attention that, in true fashion, there has been some talking about me behind my back.
It’s okay. I’ve come to expect that most of you are no better than petty, vindictive middle school girls with just as many daddy issues as you have body image issues. That’s your thing, so it’s pretty much whatever to me.
It’s when I become indirectly involved that I start to have a problem.
For instance, I don’t engage with many of you on that level because I have little to no interest in the drama that is manufactured to keep you all from looking at the shambles that you generously call your own lives.
So when you start talking about me, well, my instinct says not to engage, but ya know what? I’ll bite.
I’ll go ahead and give you this one.
The question was asked, well, about my junk.
As it was phrased to me, you were curious as to whether I had a “big dick” or if I was just “half-hard all the time”?
I’m assuming this is in reference to my running shorts which, whether I like it or not, quite prominently display my business.
Well, that’s because I wear a medium (even that is a little big on my waist) and well, my stuff could probably stand to have a little breathing room. If I wear a large, the shorts themselves don’t stay up so you’d probably see even more of my boys.
I guess this was a bit of a roundabout way of answering your not-so-secret question for me, so I’ll leave you with this.
I’m definitely not half hard all the time.
Any further questions, please direct them to my penis.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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