Dear 7/11

Dear 7/11,
Look, we’ve got history. Remember all those sleepless nights in college that I spent pouring over your slurpee selection?
Or the drunken night… that I spent pouring over your slurpee selection?
Okay, yes, technically I may have a drinking problem, at least when it comes to slurpees.
But ya know what, you’re not entirely faultless here.
I mean, delicious sucrose in half-frozen form? How am I supposed to resist?!?
But lately, you’ve given me no choice but to resist.
See, one of your “Summer flavors” (Orange Explosion, if you must know) just made its way to your machines.
It was like I had found sugar-y, sweet God in a 7/11 cup.
And then it was ripped away from me.
When I went in the other night, I found out you were “exchanging flavors” as the cashier told me.
Well, in the immortal words of Hall & Oates, I can’t go for that.
Consider this tawdry, convenience store love affair over… at least until you get rid of the pina colada.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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2 thoughts on “Dear 7/11

  1. Did you mean *poring*, or were you so drunk you were actually *pouring* over the Slurpees? I just stay with Pepsi. The blue one makes you s**t blue. If Diatribes shops here, maybe I should too.

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