Dear… Whatever Company Makes Those Motivational Posters

Dear… Whatever Company Makes Those Motivational Posters,
I know what you’re thinking. “That Calhoun guy, isn’t he always such a pessimist? What could he possibly have to contribute to our company?”
And normally you’d be right and this is the part where I’d tell you to fuck off and die, but boy, do I have some doozies for you!
I don’t even know where they came from, it was like they came to me in a dream, all Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat style. So here, lemme throw some at you and tell me what you think.

“If at first you don’t succeed… you’re probably right. I mean, who would know better than you? Don’t we have some lame ass poster that says something about how you know yourself best or whatever?” Okay, it’s a little long-winded, but you get the central theme.

Or how about this? “Impossible is ‘ossible’ with an ‘imp’ to starts things off.” I mean, that’s good stuff, right?

Or my personal favorite, “If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were bunches of nuts, then conjunctions would make a really great snack mix.”

Man, looking over these, they’re almost too good to pick just one. I’m sure you all are in stunned silence, blown away by my genius right now, so I’ll let you guys mull it over, ya know, process it, and um, yeah, you can just get back to me.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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