We need to talk about your morning routine.
See, for the past four days, I’ve woken up to you slurping away at your asshole.
And yes, readers, it is as foul as it sounds.
Now, I appreciate your dedication to hygiene, buddy, but there’s gotta be something we can do about this.
I mean, honestly, do you really need to be doing that at 6:30 AM?
Maybe we can compromise and say 8? Ya know, after I’ve had time to shower and brush my teeth and all that stuff.
Think about it.