Dear Big Bird

Dear Big Bird,
Where do you get off? I mean, honestly, I can’t believe the things I’m hearing about you these days.
Only taking bird baths in Fiji water. The way you demand that everyone make eye contact with you on set, including the children who are forced to climb a step ladder when they’re in a scene with you. It’s this kind of ludicrous and entitled behavior that makes people hate PBS so much.
I mean, I thought you were in this racket for the children… or at least the letter “B,” but now I see how it is…
Clearly greed is what drives a man to don a large, yellow costume to entertain and educate young children everywhere.
Honestly, your agenda to better the world makes me sick. I hope Romney gets his way and every last one of you ends up on the cutting room floor of a Jo-Ann’s Fabrics. I mean, our nation is in crisis, so we might as well recycle you, right?
Oh, I forgot, recycling is part of the liberal agenda too… my bad.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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