Dear Liver

Dear Liver,
You’re probably mad at me. I don’t blame you.
I took you for granted this weekend. I mean, bar hopping on Friday?
You’re 25 years old, for God’s sake! Start acting like it!
Plus, when I do stuff like that, I usually end up making bad decisions… prime example?
Evidently, we made out with some guy on Friday wearing a shirt that said, “It’s my birthday, wanna fuck?”
I say “we” but really, poor Liver was just along for the ride.
But it’s okay, from here on out, I’m taking better care of you!
I’m instituting an alcohol ban… well, except wine. I mean, that’s pretty much just fruit juice… oh, and beer. I mean, beer is how I get my daily grain intake… and everybody knows vodka doesn’t count, cuz it’s clear, right?
Okay, I’m still working out the details of this alcohol ban, but we’ll talk.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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