Dear Creator of the Sectional Sofa

Dear Creator of the Sectional Sofa,
What kind of sick game are you playing? Do you even have any idea of what sort of hell you unleashed on the world when you came out with the sectional sofa?
Countless change has been lost, devoured by the ill-fitting cushions, never to be seen again. Or how about the nonsensical assembly of the damn thing? Never sure if the cushion should be flipped the other way or if it’s upside down… in the end, you’re just so frustrated, you put the cushions any way so long as the zippers on the cushions aren’t showing.
But today, I am writing not for my own personal reasons, but as an advocate for those who cannot speak.
Dogs.
Do you know how many dogs are injured on sectional sofas yearly? … well, neither do I! It’s probably not a very big number, but for dramatic purposes, let’s pretend it is… I mean, here’s the dog, just walkin’ along and then what’s that? Their paw slips throw the cracks of the cushions. All of a sudden, they’ve got a paw stuck and no one to save them!
You think that happens on regular sofas? Yeah, I didn’t think so…
It’s high time you paid for your sins, Creator of the Sectional Sofa, wherever you may be! Actually, as I’m writing this now, it’s kinda occurring to me that there is a good chance that you may already be dead… ya know what, if you are dead, we can just call it even. That was my bad, didn’t even think of that.
… okay, so yeah… I guess I’ll just talk to you later. Enjoy Heaven or… ya know, whatever.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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2 thoughts on “Dear Creator of the Sectional Sofa

  1. Well, while you’ve lost money in your sectional sofa, the inventor of the sectional sofa has probably lost sectional sofas in his money.

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