Dear Random Guy at IKEA

Stalker pic… new low

Dear Random Guy at IKEA,
I swear, I wasn’t stalking. Like, pinky swear. In fact, if we’re gonna play that game, you may have entered IKEA before us, but you were behind us every step of the way, including our unplanned stop for Swedish meatballs.
Anyways, you may have noticed that I was trying not to stare. I’m not very good at that.
But whenever I would look, you would smile so I figured it wasn’t too terrible.
That being said, I wish our taciturn relationship had lasted a little longer, but what can I say?
Like Vince Vaughan and every other improbable male lead in a romantic comedy, I’m afraid of commitment.
35 minutes was a good run for us. The knowing smile at the end? Like something out of an overrated Sofia Coppola movie?
That was my favorite part.
But take comfort in knowing, it wasn’t you, it was me. Actually, it was a little bit you.
You spent half of our relationship looking at drapes. I mean, what the hell?
Still, I wish you all the best and hope you find happiness at the next store. Maybe a Crate & Barrel or The Container Store?
Just some helpful suggestions, I wanna see you happy.
Well, we had a good run, but I should probably go.
Take care of yourself.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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6 thoughts on “Dear Random Guy at IKEA

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