Dear Karl

Also, a big fan of spoons... hasn't quite grasped how to use 'em, but he'll get there...

Also, a big fan of spoons… hasn’t quite grasped how to use ’em, but he’ll get there…

Dear Karl,
I know you’re a hungry pup.
Well, I mean, part of that is the whole thing were dogs don’t have those sensors that tell them when they’re full.
Did you know, if given the opportunity, most dogs would literally eat themselves to death?
Okay, well… that took a dark turn… anyways, I know you’re a maniac for food, but we gotta talk about it.
If this was Dr. Phil we would be talking about how you eat your feelings, but it’s more what you ate yesterday that troubles me.
Mashed potatoes. I mean, honestly, who doesn’t love ’em?
Hell, it’s not even that you tried to eat the mashed potatoes. Now, waiting til I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and grabbing the pot handle in your mouth, and sneakily carrying it into the living room? It’s ballsy, I’ll give you that… it’s also stupid. Like, colossally stupid. What, you think I can’t see you with a giant pot handle between your teeth?
Yeah, that’s something I kinda picked up on.
Look, I know nothing I’ll say can make you stop doing that, but in the future, foods with dishes are just an unnecessary complication. Next time just stick your head in a bag of potato chips like a normal dog.

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About Calhoun

Ever think those thoughts that don't seem important enough to put down on paper? Welcome to my life. I write random thoughts, movie reviews, and the occasional work of fiction. Take a look around, there's a little bit of something for everyone.

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