Dear Random Dude

Dear Random Dude,
I have no doubt that we knew each other once.
In fact, it was probably during my- well, my least than proud days.
But the fact of the matter is, things have changed.
I’m not that same dude desperate for attention from men. Don’t get me wrong, that guy isn’t entirely dead, but- well, let me reframe things for you.
Just got a new phone, so I don’t have most of my old numbers.
I go to sleep one night, only to wake up to a number I don’t recognize and a- well, it was a graphic picture.
Not only is it too early for that shit, but… seriously?
No words in the text message. Just the horrific image.
Even though I’m into dudes, not exactly the most appealing part of the anatomy.
I mean, honestly, has sending just your penis ever worked for you?
Cuz it ain’t workin’ for me.
Please lose my number.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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