Dear Ankle

Dear Ankle,
Let’s be honest. You’re not too fond of me and I’m not exactly nuts about you.
But still, being part of the same body means we should at least be able to co-exist.
Okay, so I guess technically you have a right to be mad at me. I mean, 14 miles isn’t fun for anyone, but it was an honest mistake!
See, I was running, just to vent or whatever, before I realized that I had only been running in one direction. My legs were starting to get tired so naturally, I turned around and started heading home.
Now, let’s do some math, shall we? If you run 7 miles away from home, how many miles do you hafta run to get back? If you guessed another 7, you would be correct!
So, an accidental 14 mile run is plenty reason to be upset, I get it, but if you could stop sending shooting pains up my right leg and just lemme talk this out with you, that’d be great.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

Dear Gym Rat

Dear Gym Rat,
I know it may seem difficult for you to believe that there’s nothing better to do than the gym, but some of us? We have other priorities.
I don’t mean this as a flagrant disregard of personal health. In fact, I’m quite healthy. Aside from the 2 liters of alcohol I drink in a week’s time, I regularly walk at least four miles a day and eat only lean white meats, such as chicken and turkey.
But here’s where we differ. I’m not a gym rat. Truth be told, I’m not much a fan of the gym at all.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it’s a poorly ventilated building where dozens of strangers gather to sweat… or maybe it’s my weird hang up about sweating in public.
But whatever it may be, I’d like you to know one thing.
It’s not cuz I’m fat.
It’s not cuz I think I’m fat.
I just don’t like the gym.
So next time you think about posting some passive-aggressive status on Facebook about people not liking the gym being fat, just remember, I can post something equally passive-aggressive on my blog.
Sincerely,
Calhoun