Dear Guy


Dear Guy,
I know we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs since we’ve known each other.
I know neither of us is quick to trust or communicate our feelings.
But I also know that if I could do anything (and I mean anything) all I wanna do is fix you.
You’re not broken, per se, but life hasn’t always been kind to you.
You’re not great with trust because no one has given you a reason to trust.
I’d like to be that reason.
I know these are just words so it might not count for much, but it’s pretty much all I’ve got.
I love you.

Dear David

In honor of my cousin who recently passed

Dear David,
It had been awhile. You know how it is, with a family like ours.
It’s hard to get everyone together at once.
That’s probably my biggest regret, how long it’d been since we saw each other last.
Honestly, it’s hard for me to write a letter like this. I remember after a friend of mine died, the grief counselor recommended you write a letter to the person.
Well, you guessed it, I’m not a religious man so the exercise seemed kinda pointless to me, but I gave it a shot then and it doesn’t hurt to try again, right?
I guess the main thing I wanted to say was thank you.
It’s always disheartening that such terrible things hafta happen to bring out the good in people, but it’s always amazing to me when they do.
My mom? When she called to tell me the news, I knew it wasn’t good cuz I could hear her sniffling. 25 years old and I’d never seen or even heard my mother cry. We were always one of those Ordinary People emotionally repressed kinda families and it worked for us.
Later that night, I saw my brother was calling. Again, not close, but mainly cuz we don’t know how to talk to each other, not some childhood resentment or anything.
When I picked up the phone, he simply told me, “I just heard the news about David and I wanted to tell you while I still can that I love and care about you.”
I was taken aback. This is the same guy who used to pin me down with his knees and twist my nipples til I was almost in tears.
Honestly, I didn’t really know what to say, so I tried saying it back.
Like I said, not a big fan of feelings or talking about them, so the word “love” kinda caught in my throat, but eventually, I got it.
I’m so sorry that you’re no longer with us, but what you were able to accomplish for those you left behind in your death?
It’s nothing short of a miracle, so thank you for that.

Dear Love of My Life

Sorry to the random dude who shows up when you Google Image search "love of my life" but I can't risk this getting back to the REAL guy...

Sorry to the random dude who shows up when you Google Image search “love of my life” but I can’t risk this getting back to the REAL guy…

Dear Love of My Life,
Relax, I say that about everybody, which probably isn’t super healthy… Ya know, I think it stems from my parent’s inability to commit… Wait, how did we already getting about talking to this again? I guess I just feel like I can open up to you (insert clumsy gay sex pun that I’m way too tired to think of right now) or something. I mean, we had some pretty in-depth conversations even after we’d only hung out for, like, four hours.
Oh, and that bit where you volunteer when you’re not working? Precious.
That other bit where you complained about the fact that you’ve only been able to volunteer three or four hours a week, which is still more than most people do? Even more precious.
Basically, I know it’s only been, like, a week and a half since we met and we’re definitely not even dating, I’d just like to throw this out there… marry me?
Look, I think we could make it work, okay? I believe in what we have!
You don’t hafta answer me now, but just think about it, okay?

PS when our kids ask about how I proposed, this is gonna make such a cute story!
PPS Yeah, I’ve pretty much embraced the crazy now… please don’t tell anyone I posted this

Dear Cupid

The most terrifying Cupid. Ever.

Dear Cupid,
Do you need, like, a license to carry that bow and arrow around?
I’m just saying, it seems a little dangerous to have an infant practicing archery.
Maybe that’s why just about ever animated show features you shooting the wrong person and “hilarity” ensues.
But ya know what, Cupid? It’s not funny.
It’s just sloppy.
For God’s sake, man, take some pride in your work!