Dear Futurama

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Dear Futurama,
Thanks for that. Pretty sure I have no salt left in my system from bawling at your series finale last night.
Nah, you couldn’t just, like, let this one go, could you?
No, what’s the fun in that? How about a little emotional devastation?!?
You know I connect better to television than real life!
It’s part of why I’m so charmingly emotionally stunted at my age.
But after last night? Yeah, fuck that, I’m goin’ back to being all-around dead inside.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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Dear woman on the train who spoiled Torchwood for me

Dear woman on the train who spoiled Torchwood for me,
I don’t mean to be rude, but seriously, what the hell?
I know that the 9:30 train is always crowded, so it’s hard to not overhear a conversation that two people are having when you’re shoulder to shoulder.
I even understand interjecting a little something, like, “Oh yeah, I love that show” but what you did?
For those who weren’t there, let’s review the facts (spoiler-free).
Fact, crowded train makes it a whole helluva lot easier to overhear someone’s conversation.
Fact, I was discussing with a classmate how excited I was that I had finally broken down and bought Doctor Who and Torchwood considering I had never been able to finish either of them.
Fact, you then promptly ruined the ending of Torchwood for me, a fact I do not take lightly and may have some difficulty forgiving.
What is it about someone saying “oh yeah, I’ve never seen all of Torchwood” that makes someone think to themselves “Hmm… if he’s never seen it… and he’s talking about how he’s going to watch it, why don’t I just go ahead and tell him the ending?”
Seriously, what kind of twisted logic is that?
You oughta be ashamed of yourself.
As a man who takes his TV very seriously, it may take me some time to forgive you for this heinous transgression.
I’ll get back to you when I’ve decided to forgive you. Until then, try not to ruin anything else while I’m gone.
Sincerely,
Calhoun