Dear Catholic Church

Dear Catholic Church,
I’ve been struggling with my sense of religious identity for some time now.
I mean, I’m not pointing fingers, but it might have something to do with that Sunday school teacher telling me I was going to Hell if I didn’t start taking Confirmation more seriously… but whatever, let’s move past that already.
In a show of solidarity, I’ve decided to join you all in your annual tradition of Lent.
When thinking about what I had to give up, I struggled for awhile.
But then, as if Divine Intervention, it came to me.
I’m giving up you, Catholic Church.
I probably shoulda done it a long time ago, but here it is. You and I are done.
Well, at least for the next 40 days.
We’ll re-evaluate around Easter, but don’t get your hopes up…
Sincerely,
Calhoun

P.S. I should probably tell you, cuz I don’t think anyone else will… you all look like complete tools with that ash on your forehead, just a heads up